I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Floor bacon is actually really good
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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