So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
