This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
