she looked like the bat from fern gully.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
