i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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