I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
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