So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize