you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We left an ass print on the piano.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
