Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
