The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
