she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
