Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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