I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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