Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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