FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
