i just sent this text using only my big toe
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
