Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
