Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I will pee on everything he values.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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