Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
