theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
