I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Who died my cat blue again?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
