Swine flu. Run for my life!
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
