Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
