Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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