The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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