dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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