But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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