Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he was CRYING into my vagina
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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