Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
