I didn't shave. On purpose
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
