...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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