after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
