To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
