Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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