In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
