Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just want to make out with him forever
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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