don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
