Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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