Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
