she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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