I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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