im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
