I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
