I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
