I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My ass is underappreciated
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
