I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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