Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
