Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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