It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
