i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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