i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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