I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
