is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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