She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
