I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
