He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
