dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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