Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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