White coat. Heels.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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