If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
