I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
