just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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