The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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