I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
